How We Lost Our Safety. (Part 2.)
Sins Against Us.
1. We must always examine ourselves first before pointing
at the sin of others. Matthew 7:3-5
2. These afterward mentioned sins against us can affect our ability
to form relationships with safe people.
a. Our bonding process was disrupted by;
1. Detachment: someone being emotionally inaccessible to us.
2. Abandonment: someone connecting, then leaving.
3. Inconsistency: unstable relationship with caregivers.
4. Criticism: unloving attacks upon our needy aspects.
5. Abuse: violations of our soul that destroy trust.
b. Our boundaries (Galatians 6:1-5) were not respected by;
1. Aggressive control: someone hurting us if we say no.
2. Passive control: someone leaving us if we say no.
3. Regressive control: guilt messages if we say no.
4. Limitlessness: someone never saying no to us.
c. We were not seen as whole people, with good and bad traits by;
1. Perfectionism: others expecting us to have no faults.
2. Idealization: other denying our imperfections.
3. Shaming: others condemning our negative qualities.
4. Splitting: others seeing us as all-good or all-bad.
d. We were not allowed to mature into adults by;
1. One-up relationships: others who treat us as if we are children.
2. One-down relationships: " "
" " " are their
parents.
3. Control: other who need to be in charge of our lives.
4. Criticism: others who attack when we challenge their thinking.
3. Safe (Loving) people have;
a. Bonded and emotionally in touch.
b. firmly established boundaries. Ephesians 4:14-15
c. come to terms with their good-bad split and embraced the grace of
God. Romans 8:1
d. become adults and encourage others to do the same. 1 Corinthians
13:4 -13