After being saved in 1987, I struggled with trying to understand the nature of salvation for the next 9 years. My mind would keep wanting to determine how much grace one needed to be saved. That struggle ended for me when I found that my salvation was all of God. I was not saved by God's grace plus a decision. I was saved by God's Grace alone.
Sometime after that, I started reading about the life of John Newton. I wanted to know the person behind the song Amazing Grace. After reading about various happening in the life of Newton, the words Amazing Grace now have a completly different meaning to me. It is truly amazing that God choose to save such a person like Newton, and a wretch like me! I think reading the excerpts in this essay from Newton's life will bring new life to the words Amazing Grace.
Newton believed strongly in a Particular Providence, God "superintending and conducting the steps of man" [The Works of John Newton, Vol 1, The Banner of Truth Trust, pg 52] Newton had too much evidence to deny such a doctrine as a Particular Providence. Newton writes, "The Divine Providence, which is sufficient to deliver us in our utmost, is equally necessary to our preservation in the most peaceful situation". [ibid pg 34] Our lives are so busy "doing stuff" we forget to whom we owe our daily existance. We should praise God every morning we wake up for the blessing to be in His creation one more day.
The very doctrine of a Particular Providence makes people squirm. The first objection is usually "that's not fair". Just the mention of those words reveals how little our understanding of God is. There was a man named Job who wanted to bring such a charge against the Almighty God. Job's servants were slain, the Fire of God burned up his sheep, his camels were stolen, and his children died when a great wind smote their eldest brother's house [Job 1:14-19]. Job lived a righteous life in his estimation, and wanted to tell God "that's not fair".
Behold now, I have ordered my cause; I know that I shall be justified. Who is he that will plead with me? for now, if I hold my tongue, I shall give up the ghost. Only do not two things unto me; then I will not hide myself from thee. Withdraw thine hand far from me: and let not thy dread make me afraid. Then call thou, and I will answer: or let me speak, and answer thou me. How many are mine iniquities and sins? Make me to know my transgression and my sin. Wherefore hidest thou thy face, and holdest me for thine enemy? Wilt thou break a leaf driven to and fro? And wilt thou persue the dry stubble? [Job 13:18-25]
We see Job constructing a case to bring against the Almighty God, for His "unfair" treatment. Not only that, Job accuses God of being a big bully by picking on such a helpless person as he. Job's head was swelling with pride, and it was about to pop. Job credited the blessings of his life to his own doing, rather than the grace of God. God allows Job much time to consider his afflicted condition, then starts scolding him by saying:
Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge? Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me. Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare, if thou hast understand.
Just those words alone stopped the mouth of Job. But the Almighty asks questions for two more chapters. I'm sure Job was speachless during this time, for if he could utter something he would have pleaded with God to stop the questioning. Then God lays down His charge against Job.
Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct him? He that reproveth God, let him answer it. Then Job answered the Lord, and said, Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth. Once I have spoken; but I will not answer: yea, twice; but I will proceed no further. [Job 40:2-5]
We are vile depraved creatures not worth of the smallest grace. When we see ourselves in that light, we start to see the amazingness of grace. The fact that God has blessed one abundantly in the past, is no reason to presume of future blessings. Job had it all one day, and was bankrupt the next.
Many would describe Newton as fortunate to have lived into his eightys, for it would seem that death was always just a few minutes away from capturing him. For example:
He was roused again, by the loss of a companion who had agreed to go with him on Sunday on board a man of war. Mr. N. providentially coming too late, the boat had gone without him, and was overset, by which his companion and several others were drowned. He was exceedingly affected, at the funeral of this companion, to think that by the delay of a few minutes (which at the time occasioned much anger) his life had been preserved: but this also was soon forgotten. [ibid pg 4]
And on a different occasion:
Four or five of them sat down one evening to try who could hold out the longest in drinking geneva and rum alternately. A large sea-shell supplied the place of a glass. Mr. N. was very unfit for such a challenge, as his head was always incapable of bearing much liquor: he began, however, and proposed as a toast, some imprecation against the person who should start first: this proved to be himself. Fired in his brain, he arose and danced on deck like a madman, and while he was thus diverting his companions, his hat went overboard. Seeing the ship's boat by moonlight, he endeavoured eagerly to throw himself over the side into the boat, that he might recover his hat. His sight, however, deceived him, for the boat was not (as he supposed) within his reach, but perhaps twenty feet from the ship's side. He was, however, half overboard, and would, in the space of a moment, have plunged into the water; when somebody caught hold of his clothes and pulled him back. This was an amazing escape, as he could not swim, had he been sober: the tide ran very strong: his companions were too much intoxicated to save him, and the rest of the ship's company were asleep. [ibid pg 23]
Newton worked on a slave trade ship. The main slave trade ship would anchor off the shore, and then send a smaller boat to bring the slaves, or other provisions like food or water back to the main ship. The smaller boat was grown old, and almost unfit for use. The smaller boat was to be sent to shore to bring back wood and water before the main slave trade ship was to head for home. Newton
received his orders, was ready in the boat, and just going to put off. In that instant the captain came up from the cabin, and called him on board again. Mr. N. went, expecting further orders; but the captain said "he had taken it into his head" (as he phrased it) that Mr. N. should remain that day in the ship, and accordingly ordered another man to go in his room. Mr. N. was suprised at this, as the boat had never been sent away without him before. He asked the captain the reason of his resolution; but none was assigned, except, as above, that so he would have it. The boat, therefore, went without Mr. N., but returned no more: it sunk that night in the river; and the person who supplied Mr. N.'s place drowned! Mr. N. was much struck when news of the event was received the next morning. The captain himself, though quite a stranger to religion, even to the denying of a Particular Providence, could not help being affected; but declared that he had no other reason for countermanding Mr. N. at that time, but that it came suddenly into his mind to detain him. [ibid pg 38]
At another time:
One day, however, some business had so detained him, that he came to his boat much later than usual, to the surprise of those who had observed his former punctuality. He went out in the boat, as heretofore, to inspect a ship; but the ship blew up just before he reached her. It appears, that, if he had left the shore a few minutes sooner, he must have perished with the rest on board. [ibid pg 52]
These instances of a Particular Providence were being used of God to work a might act of grace in Newton's life. The mightest act of all, was in God bringing Newton to repentance. Below is what I belive to be the salvation time in Newton's life.
..he needed another providential interposition to rouse him; and,
accordingly, he was visited with a violent fever, which broke the fatal
chain, and once more brought him to himself. Alarmed at the prospect
before him, he thought himself now summoned away. The dangers and
deliverances through which he had passed- his earnest prayers in time
of trouble- his solemn vows before the Lord at his table- and his
ungrateful returns for all his goodness, were present, at once, to his
mind. He began then to wish that he had sunk in the ocean when he
first cried for mercy. For a short time, he concluded that the door
of hope was quite shut. Weak, and almost delirious, he arose from his
bed, crept to a retired part of the island, and found a renewed
liberty in prayer: daring to make no more resolves, he cast himself
upon the Lord, to do with him as he should please. It does not
appear that any thing new was presented to his mind, but that, in
general, he was enabled to hope and believe in a Crucified Saviour.
After this, the burden was removed from his conscience; and not only
his peace, but his health, was gradually restored when he returned to
the ship: and, though subject to the effects and conflicts of sin
dwelling in him, yet he was ever after delivered from its power and
dominion. [ibid pg 36-37]
In November of 1996, shortly after comming to the realization that salvation is by grace alone through faith [Eph 2:8], some new thoughts started comming to my mind. Back in 1987 when God was bringing me to salvation, He did show me that I was missing something in my life. I thought to myself many times "Am I just here to die?" But God showing me that was still not enough to make me want to seek him. Thus I tried to fill that emptiness in my life with wordly things which cannot satisfy. Even though my real need was salvation, my fleshly searching took me farther away from God with everything I tried. It is only by God's grace that I am saved today, and look at life differently. God saved me for a purpose, and He has a purpose for all those that He saves.
Understanding that one is part of the called leads one to action. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." [Romans 8:18] When one is saved, it is for God's glory and purpose. And I think that purpose is more than just reading the Bible.
When afflictions strike a believer, Romans 8:28 is still true. Unknown to us, God is using amazing grace for his glory. For the verse says all things ! That is great comfort to me. I don't need to worry about making a decision that will mess up life. (I'm not teaching some kind lawlessness here.) Since God in his particular providence is guiding my steps, I know I'll be heading in the right direction. This brings great peace and liberty to my soul.
We must humble ourselves like John the Baptist and say "He must increase, but I must decrease." [John 3:30] God's grace sustains all life, and we must needs "Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name". [Psalm 29:2] We must reject every though of how smart we were in comming to Jesus. We must give God the glory for figuring out a plan to save us. If he left man to figure out how to get saved, not one would ever get saved. Just by looking at the masses that are worshipping sticks, stones, and trying to work their way into heaven is sufficient evidence to this fact.
What is fair or unfair cannot be determined by man evaluating the situation. Perish the though of man even pondering the thought of evaluating what God does. "Righteousness and judgment are the habitation of his throne" [Psalm 97:2] Everything God does is right. We are never to bring God down to our level, or hold Him accountable to our standard of fairness. Man is forever full of pride, and is incapable of a righteous judgement.
Job forgot this fact, and wanted to tell God a thing or two. Job said "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him." [Job 13:15] Job was solid in faith, but should have abandoned any notion of trying to explain himself before God. Fallen man is no match for the Holy. And we can learn from that example. God is more able to explain our reasons for doing something than ourselves.